She Came In Like a Lamb: Journals of an Epstein Trafficking Victim
A deep analysis of scrapbook journals submitted to the DOJ and Judge Rakoff documenting severe abuse and naming high profile individuals by and Epstein Network victim
Decoding the Journals of an Unknown Epstein Network Victim
Part 2 of ‘Blood on the Carpet’
* This piece contains detailed accounts of child sexual abuse, forced pregnancy, and pregnancy loss. Reader discretion is advised.
Note: The journals document repeated sexual abuse and forced pregnancy of a minor — a girl with Down syndrome and autism, trafficked through Epstein’s network from approximately age 13 to 17. The content is graphic. It is part of the official DOJ public record. We are publishing this analysis because making it legible is part of what accountability looks like. The victim’s name is redacted in all federal documents and is not published here. Subscriber revenue directly funds this reporting.
“To send you away and take away your life. Ticking time with shortened schedules and waving all my absent days to fit the scheduling of vile men. Was it worth it? No — don’t answer that. I know I never have been.”
Decoded journal entry, Year 18 — EFTA02731465
Before the Journals
Her identity is unknown to the public and her name remains redacted throughout the DOJ documents that were released in February of 2025. Attorney notes in the federal record indicate our victim had Mosaic down syndrome — a rare type of DS — and was autistic. She came from a home where, as she would eventually disclose to her attorney years later, her biological mother had been forcing her to perform sexual acts with adult men since she was a very young child. Her younger sister too — and her paternal grandfather was also involved. Her story is one of tragedy and horrors beyond imagination.
The journal begins by sharing that when she was around 13 or 14, her life converged with Epstein’s network through a woman that her mother knew. The victim’s mother had ‘lied to her about a man named Mr. Glickman’, about work trips, about Michigan, about Clearwater, she writes. When someone close to her family died she was sent to live with a friend of her mother’s named Mary.
Decoded by LPF:
Theres a reason…That my mom lied about Mr.Glickman all the time.
She lied about work trips. About Michigan and about clear water.
Now he is dead and and I am being sent to live with her friend.
Back and forth? For how long?” — EFTA02731435
During a party at a ‘large house’, the victim describes meeting a man she refers to as ‘Mr. Robert,’ along with his ‘pretty wife Jill’, described as British and previously present in Clearwater. The woman, Jill, spoke to her throughout the night and encouraged her to come to her home in Florida to ‘learn new things’. The victim writes that she wanted to get away from her.
A separate document within the DOJ release — an email from attorney Jeanne M Christensen (EFTA02731512) — provides additional context based on decoded journal material. In that communication, Christensen describes the victim being taken to a McLean Virginia property identified as owned by “Joe Roberts” (JER companies) — where both Ghislaine Maxwell and Jeffrey Epstein were present.
Our victim kept journals through all of the trauma, abuse, and coercion she describes.
— EFTA02731512 *Until we had this document, sent to us by another substack user, we were under the impression that Mr.Robert may have been JE himself, given the Fortelni passport, recovered from Epstein’s blue suitcase. — EFTA01648939. We no longer believe this to be the case. Joe Roberts is most likely Joseph E Robert Jr — a McLean Virginia based financier — who was married to a Jill Sorensen. This aligns in part with the document’s reference to a McLean property and the woman named Jill.
Joseph E. Robert Jr. — Washington Post obituary confirming identity, McLean residence, and professional background
Jill Sorensen — Georgia Today profile, confirming identity and public background
As new information comes to our attention it will be added where needed.
The Journals
The journals are scrapbooks — and they are written almost entirely in code. She kept them during the years she was trafficked — from approximately 2001 to 2004, spanning what the attorneys decoded translations identify as ‘Years 15 through 19’ of her life.
They are not traditional diaries. They are in a sense, works of art. Collages —magazine clippings cut and rearranged so that headlines and advertising say deep coded messages, handwritten entries in the margins, photographs, drawings, and page after page of dense encoded text — letters scrambled, words compressed, syllables split and rearranged so that the entries read as noise to anyone without the key. Attorneys at Wigdor LLP transcribed and decoded significant passages and submitted both the originals and their translations to federal prosecutors as well as to Judge Jed Rakoff as part of the JPMorgan Chase Epstein compensation claim. I decoded a lot myself as well.
Forensic examination ordered by Judge Rakoff found the journals were written in gel pen and results were inconclusive as to dating. No evidence of recent fabrication was found and the examiner did not address the clippings. More than 20 people wrote in the journals contemporaneously. What follows is drawn from the decoded translations and the legible handwritten sections of the journals, cross referenced with FBI 302 interview reports, attorney correspondence to federal prosecutors, and other documents in DOJ Dataset 12.
Excerpt from Victims Journal. Decoded:
So sorry Jeffrey these things happen when your body had never been given time to properly heal! So it came out in the toilet and I didnt know what to do so I just flushed the tiny little fetus.You have made me numb and I hate you for this!
I hope I never have to see you again!
I am not your personal incubator!
where is the baby!
where is Ghislaine!!!
Source: DOJ Epstein Library EFTA02731393
What She Experienced: The Network
Across 3 journals spanning four to five years, our victim documented the men she was made to be with, the places she was taken, and the infrastructure that made it possible to happen to so many. The names appear in decoded translations, in legible handwritten entries and in the marginal annotations she made on magazine clippings.
Not all names are fully decoded and not all can be confirmed from available documents. But the list is long, and many of the names are not strangers.
Named or Identifiable in the Journals and Decoded Notes:
Jeffrey Epstein
Ghislaine Maxwell
Leon Black
Jes Staley — she calls him ‘the disgusting Mr. Staley,’ writes that he called her ‘Tinkerbell,’ that he left bloody marks on her arms from his belt, and that she should have called him ‘Dumbo’ in return because of his ears.
Larry Summers — ‘fucking disgusting.’
Alan Dershowitz — ‘disgusting pigs like Alan Derschowitz.’
Joe Gibbs — ‘so nice.’
Lawrence Krauss — calls him Mr. Sauerkraut Krauss
Dan Snyder — ‘a pig! A red skin hogette!’
George Mitchell — ‘people you expect to be good like even old senators like George Mitchell who you think would be like a grandpa are bad’
Jean-Luc Brunel — ‘a disgusting pig with bad breath’
Mr.Novak - Says she ‘feels sorry’ for him and he was as ‘uncomfortable as her’
Dana Chasin, identified in a March 2024 attorney letter to federal prosecutors as a Rockefeller connection with a small prop plane
A man referred to as Mr. Colgan
A man she calls ‘Andrew’ who she connects to royalty
Harvey Weinstein — ‘I hope you don’t ever meet fat pig Weinstein or the rest’
Additional names documented in the journals: Mr. Mody, Mr. Sant, Mr. Ludwig, Mr. Cecchi, Mr. Mora, Mr. Goodlatte, Mr. Atkins, Mr. Rails, Mr. Ein, Mr. Jacobson, Mr. Conway, Mr. Vradenberg, Mr. Kimsey, Mr. Case, the Gregorys, Martin Minsky, Mr. Caruthers, Mr. Islam, Bill S
She writes about a ‘good federal worker’ who she was ‘borrowed’ by and later ‘rented’ to. She writes about an ‘old president’ connected to a plane, a yacht, New York, DC, the vineyard, and the island — and writes that he ‘should have been thinking of Chelsea.’
Decoded by LPF:
Flights and yachts of horrorThe more you pay the more you get. Is this A) true B) false C) crazy
There are always flights of horror whether it’s with Jeffry, Mr.Leons Mr.Case Mr.Snyder the Gregorys, Mr.Colgan or one being borrowed by a seemingly “good” federal worker and even rented. It is all horror. And nothing is as it seems. I am so confused by everything and people you expected to be good like even old senators like George Mitchell who you think will be like a grandpa are bad! Mr. Kimsey is deranged. The answer is C. Crazy! It all is!
— Page 27 EFTA02731461
Summers is not a vague reference and he is named explicitly in a March 2024 letter from attorney Jeanne Christensen to federal prosecutors: the letter states that the first time the victim was flown to Epstein’s New York townhouse, she had sex with Larry Summers. The flight was arranged by Dana Chasin.
Leon Black in the Journals
She writes about Leon Black by name not by code.
The decoded entry for what attorneys identify as Year 16, page 15, reads in full:
“My mother has lost her fucking mind. Even though Ghislaine said it was best to take me home because Mr. Black is so important for some reason over my health. There is going to be hell to pay. I ruined their trip and I am dramatic when that fat fuck bit me! He threw me on the floor and blood all over Jeffrey’s carpet and I am the issue? Who the fuck bites someone? Sick! No one is that important and Leon can go fuck himself. I hate New York!”
— Decoded journal entry, Year 16, page 15 EFTA02731427
In a separate entry from the same journal period, she annotates a page headed by a photograph of the New York City skyline with the caption ‘Who could have predicted this?’ Her handwritten response: ‘I should have! So sad this city could be beautiful if it weren’t filled with monsters. The blood from Leon is no longer there.’
Another journal page contains the poem ‘Stopped Dead,’ with specific phrases underlined by the victim. The decoded attorneys’ note connects this page directly to Leon Black. The underlined phrases include ‘fatso millionaire,’ ‘birth cry,’ ‘it’s violent,’ ‘goddamn baby screaming,’ ‘there’s always a bloody baby,’ and ‘your seven chins, still as a ham.’
She writes elsewhere about being told Black was a ‘VIP’ and a ‘special friend of Jeffrey’s’ — told this, attorneys concluded from her disclosures, to ensure her compliance. Her parents were told the same thing. In a March 2024 letter to federal prosecutors, attorney Christensen explained what had only emerged after months of trust-building with the client: the girl’s own parents drove her to New York. They dressed her up ‘special’ for Black, including ribbons in her hair to match her skirt. When she had a breakdown after the assault — bleeding, asking to see a doctor — Epstein, Maxwell, and her own parents were angry with her for ‘ruining their weekend.’ They drove her home to Virginia.
The journal entry ends: ‘I ruined their weekend.’
Jes Staley in the Journals
She doesn’t bury him in code.
On what attorneys have decoded as page 12 of the third journal, she writes about him by name — or close enough to it that the decoded translation leaves no ambiguity. She calls him “the disgusting Mr. Staley” and writes that he called her ‘Tinkerbell.’ She writes that he left’ bloody marks on her arms from his belt.’ And then, in the voice of a teenager who had nothing left but dark humor: she writes that she should have called him Dumbo in return, because of his ears.
Victim journal mentioning Staley and others — EFTA02731352
Decoded by FBI: — EFTA02731469
The Tinkerbell detail is not incidental. In July 2010 — during what the journal timeline identifies as the same trafficking period — Jes Staley emailed Jeffrey Epstein from his JPMorgan corporate account: “That was fun. Say hi to Snow White.” Epstein asked what character he would like next. Staley replied: “Beauty and the Beast.” A separate email sent the same day, from an unnamed sender, stated that Snow White had been assaulted twice as soon as she put her costume on. USVI lawyers argued in court that Disney princess names were code for women and girls Epstein was procuring. Maria Farmer, the first victim to report Epstein in 1996, also included Staley in a lot of her art work, one includes him with a snow white figure, read our piece on that here.
Staley has consistently denied knowing about Epstein’s trafficking crimes. The UK Financial Conduct Authority found he misled regulators about the nature and duration of his relationship with Epstein and banned him from senior financial roles for life. He was named by Congressman Thomas Massie during a September 2025 House hearing as one of at least 20 men the FBI identified as having been trafficked women and girls by Epstein.
She wrote about him in a scrapbook she encoded so no one could read it. She encoded it because she was afraid — the FBI has the Snow White emails and the journals. They had them for decades and did nothing.
The Pregnancies
This is the section of the journals that is hardest to read. It is also the section that is most completely documented.
Across the journals, the victim records multiple pregnancies, multiple procedures, and multiple losses — some forced, some spontaneous, some delivered. The entries span literal years. They describe what was done to her body as a consequence of the abuse and what was done to the children she also carried.
‘I am not your personal incubator’ — EFTA02731394
At the top of this page, she addresses Epstein directly:
“So sorry Jeffrey these things happen when your body had never been given time to properly heal! So it came out in the toilet and I didn’t know what to do so I just flushed the tiny little fetus. You have made me numb and I hate you for this! I hope I never have to see you again! I am not your personal incubator! Where is the baby! Where is Ghislaine!!!”
— Journal entry, unknown victim
In another entry, written at a later point in the trafficking period, she writes about what appears to be a different, ongoing pregnancy — one that had reached the halfway mark:
“Tomorrow is the halfway ultrasound for Jeffrey. This one stuck. After they took the first baby who survived and the early miscarriage I think it was called I no longer feel like a person but a vessel. Will they take this one too? Who has the first one? Where did Ghislaine go. She is never around. I can’t let myself get attached. I am not old or mature enough or even in the place to have a baby that I would be responsible for. I am not even able to focus on anything other than hiding this again. I had to go to eating disorder treatment prior to being in this situation again and missed the entire fall semester of school. I am so very exhausted. My body feels so tired. Will I ever be free?”
Journal entry, unknown victim — EFTA02731405
A separate entry, written about another pregnancy:
“I am such a monster. I DIDN’T CONSOLE HER! I CAN’T UNHEAR HER SCREAMS! THEY HAUNT ME! I couldn’t even bring myself to look at her. I am a monster. I deserve to be haunted by her screams. I AM SO SORRY. I AM SO BROKEN.”Journal entry, unknown victim
‘I am such a monster’ — EFTA02731406
In another entry she writes about a procedure performed by a doctor she believed was from Israel, who ‘had kind eyes but didn’t speak directly to me.’ She describes a shot, rod-like instruments with hooks, and ‘so much pain.’ Ghislaine told her to ‘push all the pain away.’ She writes: ‘I saw between her fingers a tiny head and had a tiny foot. I closed my eyes and no more.’
In another she writes about a baby born alive, delivered by an elderly French woman near Epstein’s Palm Beach residence. 4lbs 10oz and 18.5 inches with beautiful long fingers. She was allowed to hold her and feed her for ten to fifteen minutes when a man came and took the baby. She was hysterical, she begged for more time. The old woman promised the baby would ‘be safe and that she had to let go.’
“I am dead inside. Life has no meaning. I don’t want to go.”
— Journal entry, unknown victim EFTA02731385
She references being sent back to the network as punishment for trying to run, and she references Ghislaine being absent a lot. She also writes about Epstein and Maxwell fighting over what to do about a pregnancy they ‘confirmed was his’ — he didn’t want a ‘procedure’, Maxwell did, and the victim writes: ‘I don’t want to be tied to Jeffrey for the rest of my life.’
These entries are spread across multiple journals, multiple years. They document a special needs child whose body was treated as property by adults and whose trauma and grief was treated as an inconvenience.
Codes and Clippings
Throughout the journals she pastes clippings — magazine articles, advertisements, photographs — and annotates them. The annotations are often the most direct statements in the record.
One page uses a photograph of a courtroom as its background. Printed over it are the words: ‘You should never be here alone.’ Her handwritten annotation: ‘HE SHOULD!’
‘HE SHOULD!’ EFTA02731400
Another page uses a National Geographic photograph of New York City’s Central Park at night — skyscrapers lit up beyond the treeline. She writes: ‘BLEND IN! HATE THIS CITY!’ On a nearby page, against the same city imagery: ‘So sad this city could be beautiful if it weren’t filled with monsters. The blood from Leon is no longer there.
Cut out: “Who could have predicted this?” Below - in code “I should have!”
— EFTA02731404
The clipping annotated with the date National Geographic June 2004 establishes a timeline. She is referencing New York, Leon Black, and blood on a specific page that attorneys have decoded as Year 16 — the same year as the assault entry.
Another page contains the heading ‘Through a Child’s Eyes’ beside the quote: ‘What I wanted was a place where dreams did not stop at dawn.’ Her annotation: ‘I won’t let pain keep me from’ — the sentence trails off.
Judge Rakoff’s court found no evidence of fabrication and the forensic examination produced no evidence the documents were recently created. More than 20 contemporaneous witnesses wrote in them and they were submitted to federal prosecutors years before the JPMorgan compensation claim. The content is consistent with independent victim accounts that were developed without knowledge of the journals.
They are not proof of guilt in a criminal court, no criminal court has reviewed them and no criminal charges have been filed against any person named in them.
Leon Black’s attorney Susan Estrich challenged the journals in a letter to Judge Rakoff. Brad Edwards, representing the plaintiff class in the JPMC settlement, submitted a brief arguing there was insufficient corroboration. Judge Rakoff expressed reluctance in a conversation with the claims examiner — noting he could not understand why there was no corroboration and wanting to meet with the examiner. The court had not issued a final ruling as of the most recent documents in the public record.
Here are some other page examples from the victim journals:
Some pages, even have redactions on the journal pages. She writes that she is going to break. She asks why they would let Mr. Leonsis wait so long, and why he would bring a friend and ‘make a video.’ She writes that a procedure was so painful there was blood all over the sheets. She writes that she has to ask Ghislaine for help — that if anyone can make it stop, it would be her. She describes being so sick with fever that Ghislaine put her in a freezing cold shower. She lists the names of others she holds responsible — Mr. Rails, Mr. Ein, Mr. Jacobson, Mr. Conway, Mr. Vradenberg, and “Bills” — and writes that all of them don’t care if this happens.
The journal identifies this individual as “Mr. Leonsis” the record does not provide a confirmed first name or independently verified identity for this person.
FBI decoded — EFTA02731470
She had Down syndrome and autism — her own parents sold access to her body. She was moved through a trafficking network involving some of the most powerful men in the United States, and the world, operated in. She had no one to tell.
So, she built scrapbooks. She cut up magazines and scrambled the words and encoded everything so no one could read it. She kept them for years, because she needed her story to exist somewhere.
“She came in like a lamb and went out like a lioness.”
That line is from the final journal, and she wrote it about herself.
Last Page First is an independent investigative publication. Paid subscribers make the deep dives possible—FOIA templates, citation indexes, Document Room access, and subscriber discussion threads. If this piece reached you, share it. If you want to help keep it going, subscribe.
If you have documents, names, or anything relevant to an investigation, my inbox is open to everyone. Contact us here. Your name stays private unless you tell me otherwise.
Sources
Primary journal covering trafficking period, Years 15–16
EFTA02731433–64
Second journal, Year 17
EFTA02731341–60
Third journal, Years 18–19
EFTA02731361–92
Additional Year 18 journal pages
EFTA02731393–409
— Christensen letter: March 2024
EFTA02731721–23
— Victim correspondence
EFTA02731480–81
— Victim interviews
EFTA02731604–22
— SDNY follow up
EFTA02731648–54
— DANY / SDNY coordination
EFTA02731583–92
— DANY call notes — June 2023
EFTA02731662–65
Minor victim — ‘VIP special friend of Jeffrey’s’
— Brad Edwards / settlement notes
EFTA02731577
— Forensic call notes — Rakoff proceedings
EFTA02731724
— Bank records — wire transfers
EFTA02731526–75
Leon J. Black / J. Black Trust / E Trust
— FBI 302 referrals
EFTA02731485–89
—March 2024 Christensen letter to prosecutors
EFTA02731721–23
— CNBC / dropped claim
EFTA02731755–56
Jill Sorensen — Georgia Today profile, confirming identity and public background